Surrealisations

This is the bare minimum you need to know if you’ve decided upon taking nitrous but haven’t the slightest idea how. For advanced guides on having a good trip, read this and this.

Step one – purchase or beg to borrow one of these:

They are sold in kitchenware shops, and on online; regular humans tend to refer to them as “cream whippers” or “soda siphons”. Nos-heads call them bulbalisers or simply, “machines”.
Older machines will tend to leak and taste like milk gone terribly wrong, leave freezing shards of the seal in your throat, etc; whilst the so-called “easywhip” makes it impossible to load quickly without injuring your hands. My machine of preference is actually a soda siphon, not technically a cream whipper – since the bulbs (nitrous and carbon dioxide) are the same size it works exactly the same, but makes re-loading easier, it’s the one in the below diagrams.

Step two – acquire some of these:

These can be found at most supermarkets, usually behind the counter, so just ask for “x boxes of cream chargers”[1]. If you get asked why you are buying them, tell them you’re making a big cake or something – they’re perfectly legal when used to make home-made whipped cream. If the supermarkets in your country don’t stock them, they can be bought online.

^ Soda chargers may look similar, but inhaling them will cause no fun whatsoever, instead making one gag and feel much pain.

Step three – Make sure your machine doesn’t leak.

Make sure the top part is screwed in tightly;  remove the bulb-holder bit of the machine and tighten the seal (by twisting) within the threaded bit of the machine.

Step four – Load your machine

Grab a bulb (a.k.a. cream charger) and insert it into your machine thus. Remember that the seal, the narrow part of the bulb, should always face the machine, and not the other way around – if, under the influence, you unwittingly attempt to load it the other way around, you’ll break the bulb-holder part of the machine. This happens surprisingly often, so it’s a good idea to have a sober person around to load for you.

Screw the bulb holder and bulb in, until you hear it crack as it expands in the machine. At this point you can load another bulb into the holder, then crack the second one after inhaling. Though it is possible for some machines to hold more than one bulb’s worth of gas at a time, this is potentially dangerous and will wear the machine out quicker.

Step five – Inhaling the nitrous

Before inhaling, you should really ensure that you are in the right environment, if you want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself and if you want to have mind-blowing trips. This blog just covers the physical “how to” of taking nitrous, but there’s a lot more to having a good trip than just inhaling it, and I’ve covered it here, under “having a good trip”. If you just want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself[2], read this.
Breathe out, empty your lungs, hold the part of the machine you see here expelling the gas up to your mouth, and press gently on the lever/button to get a feel for how hard it comes out. Think of the machine as containing your air supply, but do have sips of oxygen in between breaths of nitrous[3].
After you’ve got a feel for it, inhale big lung-fulls by lying back and letting your lungs expand as you breathe it. Try to keep it in, then exhale, and by this time there should be another bulb loaded for you, if you’ve got a loader. If you don’t, you will now have to repeat the loading process, while half-out of it, and will probably get frustrated by your own incompetence or whang your head with the machine.

For photos of Knight Ross Oxide and Sir Nossalot in the apparent act of consumption (for education purposes only) click here for a visual guide.

That’s the absolute basics; if you want to have a good trip read this, and if you want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself read this.

Over and out
Sir Nosalot.

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[1] X should be over two. Closer to ten if you’re taking it with hallucinogens.
[2] And you could really, really hurt yourself, if you don’t prepare right. People have died from not taking it right.
[3] Brain cells don’t die from nitrous, but they do die from lack of oxygen. What they give you at the dentist is about a 70/30 split of nitrous and oxygen, and even that, with the right music and your eyes closed, is enough to make you trip out, while being safe enough for dentists to administer it.