Brain Food » Surrealisations

I Challenge Ye to Partake in my Moron-A-Thon: Confess your Biggest Blunder

Brain Food, Group Behaviours & Commonly held Perspectives, Hilarity, Interactive Posts No Responses »

Dec 292011

Most people know at least one embarrassing story featuring a monumentally foolish human deed being punished by a cruel and humorless universe. We all know the phrase “nobody’s perfect” – but just how imperfect can people be?

I have one truly blunder-some anecdote of my own, please add your own and let’s make this a real moron-a-thon.

Once upon an interstate -vacation, I was trying to reach -the peak of Melbourne’s tallest -building when suddenly, years -of being under the influence and -escaping impending doom -finally caught up with me. I -must have made a -miscalculation about the speed -of either myself or the revolving -door, the end result being a -mighty roaring as I overloaded -the door by wedging myself -between one of its panels and -the building, forcing the door to -stop (after attempting to -dislodge me for a few seconds -with the use of force). I had -become wedged in a revolving door, in the middle of a buzzing city. Luckily for me I was extremely high and could not stop laughing at myself, which meant nobody could beat me to it.

I had but one alternative to a cast – wearing an expensive inflatable, removable, space boot for some months. Due to my unrelenting analgesic-gulping ways, the damage lasted over a year: my foot would heal halfway, I would cease to feel the pain and proceed to re-injure it!

Have you or anyone you know done anything to rival my misfortune? Ignobel prize winners would fare well in this experiment, except, bizarre as their actions may be, they have a purpose – this, too, is often obscure. For instance, scientists recently discovered that chickens prefer attractive humans – they consistently choose the same photos as the humans surveyed. Studying chicken attraction, as far as scientific callings go, is a pretty pathetic one. So, if you don’t know anyone who has simply failed at a normal task, like I failed to utilize a door, do you instead know any humans who have succeeded at tasks that probably shouldn’t be tasks to begin with? Let’s not rule out the self-humiliation that these humans achieve. Let us embrace our flawed nature and laugh heartily at random acts of silliness.

Artwork: “The Genius” by V. Maximus on DeviantArt.

Christmas Arrogance and Malevolence for All

Brain Food, Other, Ridiculing Religion No Responses »

Dec 242011

Nobody is online because secretly, you’re all religious nutsacks and I bet you are celebrating the birth of your messiah and wearing knitted sweaters whilst unpacking gifts with your families on a rug by a fireplace somewhere. Well I hope you carelessly allow a ribbon to fall into the fireplace when you ravage yet another perfectly packaged little box of goodies. Then, whilst you devour your tasty holiday ham, unbeknownst to your family, the ribbon catches on fire, and, like a fuse, beckons the inferno of the fireplace unto this picturesque scene. Your gifts; your rug; your tree; your decorations; your family pictures; better yet, your family members, all are soon devoured by the merciless flames and all that is left is a lump of coal, and a lump sum of monies from house and life insurance for the delinquent family member who refused to partake in the Christmas farce.
Basically, I hope you’re all choking on this joke of a holiday and milking it for any possible financial gain.

Now these are some Christmas wishes I doubt you’ll ever find inside of a hallmark card.

Dualism – Philosophy of Religion Essay

Brain Food, Essays, Ridiculing Religion 1 Response »

Dec 232011

“Dualism…is the most common theory of mind in the public at large, it is deeply entrenched in most of the world’s popular religions, and has been the dominant theory of mind for most of Western history”

What is dualism in the philosophy of mind? What forms does dualism take? Two of the most significant problems with dualism are (i) the problem of brain functioning and (ii) the problem of causal efficacy. Explain what these problems are. Can any form of dualism overcome these problems?

The enigma of existence and mankind’s place in the world has raised a number of interesting and highly mysterious questions concerning the nature of the human mind. Since the time of ancient Greece, one of the principle problems for philosophers has been trying to reconcile the ambiguous nature of the human mind with the physical world[1]. While a variety of different theories exist, the most prevalent one throughout civilisation has probably been dualism, which was first formally postulated by Rene Descartes in the 17^th century, although it no doubt existed subconsciously for many generations before that. This essay attempts to take a critical look at dualism and then enumerate some of the arguments for and against it. It will, finally, through a process of research-based extrapolation, suggest that a firm rejection of dualism is the only viable option to ensure the further development of the philosophy of mind.

On Happiness, On Mushrooms

Brain Food, Drugs, Group Behaviours & Commonly held Perspectives, Mushrooms & LSD No Responses »

Dec 232011

We don’t enjoy simple things as much as we should. We’re so wrapped up in the trivial, menial details of everyday life that we never stop to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds. Watching cartoons is ok, but it’s enjoying a set entertainment, prescribed by someone else. Watching clouds requires no money, no technology; clouds are never polluted by anyone else’s intention. They’re entirely open to your interpretation of them. Sure, when people ask you what you do for fun and you reply “stare at clouds” or “play with my kitties” they may not be as able to relate as if you were to reply “family guy, drugs, etc”. This is just because they don’t also enjoy such simple things; it doesn’t mean these things are not worthwhile. It just means you need new friends who you can relate to better. Staring at clouds is certainly a better way to pass the time than going to an establishment like [insert trendy pub/club] to spend time with inebriated, sweaty people who you deem “friends”. Sure you may like them, but you can’t even hear what they don’t have to say over the blaring music (which you don’t get to choose). You may have interesting conversations, but if that’s all because you’re on drugs, and you can’t even fully recollect the events of the night upon sobering, then how have you learned? It may be fun, but at what cost? Your brain, your time. It’s an empty enjoyment that will leave you with that same void in the end.

Change your perspective, change your priorities. If you’re unhappy, don’t whine about it and cover up the tears with drugs. Don’t escape it, actively work to change your reality so that it is no longer something that needs escaping. Drugs have their use, but they should always be the icing on the cake; never the cake itself. Happiness cannot be found in a gram of meth, a nos machine or a syringe. Happiness has to come from within, from a place so independent of the details of your life that nothing can shake it.

Treat life like a trip – don’t allow yourself to have a bad one.

Christianity vs. Logic, round 1

Brain Food, Ridiculing Religion 1 Response »

Dec 232011

The amount of contradictions in the christian bible is probably enough to publish a contradictionary on the topic. If you’re pressed for time and looking for some snappy questions that will befuddle your religious foes, read only the bold sections. My interest in the topic dates way back: in my own words, i was “tearing holes in the stocking of religion to reveal the leg of truth” in 2006. Having conferred with my trusty sidekick, bitchslap chicken, on the matter, I noticed and documented the following conundrums within christianity – things that would make no sense even if one was to take certain christian assumptions for granted:

a) Does heaven promise happiness?
Families often disagree on the “god” issue – but how do the religious plan on enjoying their stay in heaven when they expect your sorry arse to end up in hell? Surely such an occurrence would dampen the whole “eternal bliss” scenario. How could the parent of a child condemned to hell ever forget about their suffering and plight and enjoy any of the promised happy fun times with Jesus in heaven? It is possible that god gives such unfortunates a dose of amnesia to allow them to be perpetually happy and fulfilled as advertised in church? Is this the best that christian parents of heathens like myself can hope for in an afterlife? Being tricked into contentment by way of a amnesia ray a la Men In Black, a procedure that essentially lobotomises a vital part of them and blinds you to the existence of those who you so cherished? This scenario is reminiscent of the nauseating forced happiness that one experiences on extacy; for those who have avoided this experience, just pretend you’re Neo and instead of finding out the disturbing truth you choose the other pill and slip back into the predictable life within the matrix.

Is faith Immoral?

Brain Food, Essays, Ridiculing Religion No Responses »

Dec 232011

According to Clifford “… it is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon insufficient evidence”. Assess Clifford’s defense of this principle and William James’ critique, with special reference to religious faith.

Introduction

W.K. Clifford was not the first to suggest that our beliefs be subject to evidentialist justifications. Long before the publication of his essay “The Ethics of Belief”, indeed, long before the existence of Clifford himself, John Locke declared unto mankind the obligation to proportion our assent to a proposition to the strength of the evidence for it. Half a century later, David Hume piped in with the claim that “A wise man…proportions his belief to the evidence.”[1] More than a century later still, Clifford emerged with the most extreme evidentialist contention, allegedly implicating ethics into epistemic justification. Unlike his predecessors, he was not himself bound by the ties of religious belief; consequently, his argument is not designed to preserve any personal convictions from its own onslaught of criticism. Clifford’s radical position leaves his argument open to a vast array of objections, notoriously those of William James in “The Will to Believe”. The majority of these views will receive due deliberation in what follows; specifically, Clifford’s argument and its significance for religious faith will be the focal point of this paper.

My mother always told me I was special, and now I know why.

Group Behaviours & Commonly held Perspectives, Mind-Vomit, Other No Responses »

Dec 232011

“Airflow through the nasal passages is normally asymmetrical because of alternating changes in nasal resistance in each nostril… This nasal cycle has a periodicity of approximately 2 hours and is found in 80% of the population. The reason for its existence is uncertain. A simple explanation is that it permits one side of the nose to go through a rest period and recover from the minor trauma of conditioning the inspired air.”

Well, not too special, i just fit into the 20% that don’t breathe through one nostril at a time. You can test whether you’re in the 80% or the 20% by placing your fingers on your nostrils and seeing if both get sucked up into your nose when you breathe in. This exercise is also good excuse for being caught picking your nose. “Why, I was simply testing if i breathe through one or two nostrils, because (insert above passage from some medical site)”. Then people will think you’re very worldly and educated – a dramatic improvement from their original perception of you as a public nose picker. Seriously though, i don’t know why i can’t be a worldly and educated public nose picker. I think as long as I don’t fling the picked booger at anyone it should be at least as acceptable an activity as burping, tripping over or twitching one’s eye with a hint of madness.

Evolution, Morality and the Meaning of Life

Article/Book Excerpts, Brain Food No Responses »

Dec 232011

Once upon a time the world was a comforting place in which to live, for we human beings were able to embrace a worldview that provided us with endless flattery and ego gratification. The whole universe, we were told, had been created by God FOR US. We had been placed at the physical and moral centre so that we could act out, on centre stage and before a divine audience, our individual dramas of sin an redemption. Suffering might befall us; but, if so, this would be our own fault – our failure to use the impressive gifts of free will and moral responsibility in the proper and approved way. This picture dominated Western thought throughout the Middle Ages.
With the onset of the Renaissance scientific revolution, however, it seemed as though a group of killjoys were attempting to put ugly blots upon this beautiful picture. Even more upsetting, these faggots seemed to be able to defend their acts of defacement with powerful evidence and arguments. Copernicus rendered it plausible to believe that our earth is not even at the centre of our little solar system, let alone the whole universe. Galileo and Newton showed how the phenomena of astronomy and physics could be explained in terms of mechanistic and deterministic casual laws, thus dispensing the need to explain things teleologically – i.e., in terms of God’s plans and purposes.

A Tail Tale

Animals, Brain Food, Group Behaviours & Commonly held Perspectives, Mind-Vomit No Responses »

Dec 232011

We were late to our tutorial today because we were distracted by a bizarre spectacle whilst wandering from the car to the campus. We were walking along the lake (or river if you must), admiring the scenery, birds, and other such natural manifestations of beauty. A bunch of seagulls and ducks were clustered in a manner most strange around a section of the riverbank, doing nothing in particular, collectively. This happened to be one of our favourite pastimes, so we decided to explore the reason behind their congregation. As we neared them, they parted to reveal the focus of their interest – a small, brown, furry creature nestled in the bank. We exclaimed joy over the prospect of seeing a little beaver, hamster, or other miscellaneous little critter, and approached it enthusiastically to better examine the mystery. The little guy looked up as we neared, revealing a cute little whiskered face, which could identify him as either a hamster, guinea pig or gerbil. The imagined friendly cuteness of our discovery propelled us closer still, until our proximity threatened the creature and forced him to emerge in full view as he slowly backed away from our large, menacing selves.

God’s Bloopers

Brain Food, God's Bloopers, Ridiculing Religion, Visual Amusement No Responses »

Dec 232011

You’ve heard about God creating the universe, seeing that it was good and all, but have you seen the mutants he’s been spawning of late? Are they God’s bloopers, manifestations of his sense of humour, does he have a day off and let Jesus do some of the creating? If it’s the former then he can’t be all powerful, if it’s the latter, he’s got quite a sadistic sense of humour for someone supposedly holy. Do these mutants look like they were personally sculpted by an all-knowing, all-powerful and all-good being, or are they more adequately explained within the theory of evolution: as random genetic mutations? These mutations fail to give their bearers a reproductive advantage amongst their kind, thus, their oddities were not “naturally selected” since this means they were not evolutionarily beneficial.

Liu Ch’ung, who Ripley met in China.

Can anyone still say “intelligent design” with a straight face?

A two headed kitten from Illinois.

There will be more of some of nature’s best bloopers up shortly, at about the pace of a freak per week, since the scanning process is long and monotonous and Freak per Week sounds crisp.

Older Entries

Surrealisations

I Challenge Ye to Partake in my Moron-A-Thon: Confess your Biggest Blunder

Christmas Arrogance and Malevolence for All

Dualism – Philosophy of Religion Essay

On Happiness, On Mushrooms

Christianity vs. Logic, round 1

Is faith Immoral?

My mother always told me I was special, and now I know why.

Evolution, Morality and the Meaning of Life

A Tail Tale

God’s Bloopers

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